How Talking To Girls Works
- You (bashful): the dumbest thing you've ever said in your life
- Girl: a positive, laughing response
- You (gaining confidence): the coolest thing you've ever said in your goddamn life
- Girl: didn't understand
- You: unwittingly say something strange
- Girl: at a complete loss as to how to respond
- You: FML
Posted 2 weeks ago. It has 0 notes and 0 comments.
- Me: Tell me when you hit play
- King: It will be like we are listening to it together!
- Me: But in the privacy of our homes, for the protection of our dignities while expressing ourselves through the medium of dance
- King: Probably a good thing. Totally in my underwear right now
- Me: No pants is the only way
Posted 4 weeks ago. It has 2 notes and 0 comments.
- D: Hey so I had a dream that I went to your house, and you lived by a Caribbean beach (in California, what?), and there were narwhals
- D: And we had a potluck (there were other people there, and it's weird, because I don't know who they are), and then we went to a comedy show
- V: That sounds like a pretty good day. Hold on, I'll go to the narwhal store, and you get the potluck
- D: No, no, the narwhals were wild! Like, a big wave happened, and I thought we were gonna drown, but the narwhals were like "No!"
- D: And they saved us. Somehow, we remained dry the entire time.
- V: That is the best thing I've heard all week
- V: If I don't get married, please give me an egg so that I can raise a test-tube baby with excellent genes
Posted 4 months ago. It has 0 notes and 0 comments.
- V: I'm flirting with a girl, for the first time this eon... and I am the dog with the chemistry set
- V: WHAT AM I DOING
- M: Just say, "All of your facial components are in the correct positions."
- M: Gets em moist
Posted 5 months ago. It has 4 notes and 0 comments.
- Me: So I haven't played PC games in almost 5 days, because of my new PS3.
- Me: As in, playing in a serious manner. That's a scary thought, eh?
- Mason: You may soon forget how to micro.
- Mason: Or buy Boots with your starting gold.
Posted 5 months ago. It has 0 notes and 0 comments.
- Vince: I could pay you back in cash, instead of you ordering it twice on your account.
- Mason: That would work too. Also, you wouldn't have problems contacting me in case I am hired as an international man of mystery
- Vince: So long as you make time for playing multiplayer with me.
- Vince: Cue video of Bond playing Mario Kart in the car
- Mason: If only cars worked that way. I would be a much better driver.
- Mason: Given that the cars are indestructible, and Lakitus come get me
- Vince: Good Guy Lakitus would make the world a much better place. And they would thwart so many suicides
- Mason: That would actually be really sad
Posted 6 months ago. It has 1 note and 0 comments.
- V: I got the job! Starting tomorrow, I will be The Man.
- V: I have lived long enough to see myself become the villain.
- M: Yeah, but villains get paid.
Posted 6 months ago. It has 0 notes and 0 comments.
- D: There's this cool gun where you put the ammo in water, and it makes a lot of ammo.
- V: So you put it in water... is it water pellets?
- D: Well it sounds hard, but you put it in water.
- V: So, it's a sex toy?
- D: I don't want it anymore.
Posted 11 months ago. It has 1 note and 0 comments.
- Roommate: It's been two hours and forty minutes.
- Me: You know, I thought it was just white people who took long to eat. Cause Asians eat quickly. But you don't take-
- Roommate: Because I'm not a fucking woman
Posted 1 year ago. It has 1 note and 0 comments.
- Me: Let me tell you a story about college.
- Bro: OK
- Me: So I have this English class 4-6 PM
- Me: where the professor is this cool Mexican dude who is shorter
- Me: not fat but kind of a square frame of body
- Me: and he has this habit of, whenever he is excited, narrowing one eyelid, and widening the other
- Me: so that he looks exactly like Mad-Eye Moody
- Bro: Wat.
- Me: Also he yells poetry at us.
- Me: So while that is happening
- Me: there's this big, burly black dude sitting next to me listening to his iPod
- Me: and then he raises his hand to make a comment
- Me: and his comment is about how it is evil but appealing to have slaves because it is workers whom you dont have to pay.
- Me: And im like:
- Me: wat.
- Me: Then he turns to me and says "I like your Chucks."
- Bro: Wat.
- Me: at the same time that he pulls out the following two items from his duffel bag:
- Me: a plastic bottle containing blue liquid
- Me: and a small bottle of hot sauce.
- Me: And then a mug which says God Loves You + on it.
- Me: With a cross.
- Me: And then he pours these into the mug and then stirs it with a teaspoon
- Bro: Wut.
- Me: while listening to music and the professor is yelling poetry at us
- Me: and then he drinks it
- Bro: I'm so what
- Me: And i kind of just look forward.
- Me: Is this real life
Posted 1 year ago. It has 18 notes and 0 comments.
- V: I ordered you a shirt.
- R: Why?
- V: For Christmas. It's this shirt.
- R: Why are you showing me?
- V: I ordered a Small.
- R: I'm a Medium.
- V: Lose weight. You have three to five business days.
Posted 1 year ago. It has 9 notes and 0 comments.